Have you ever experienced what feels like a mental attack? Like you can’t take back control of your mind and the feelings that follow?

This can be scary and I’m so sorry if you have or are currently experiencing something like this. I never had to this extreme til this year and it was probably the scariest thing I’ve ever been through. I want to share my story and the testimony of what God did. It’s super helpful in these things to not feel alone. I think God is speaking to this topic right now to bring us into His victory – I believe we’re going to see an increase of miracles and freedom around mental battles, illnesses, and disorders. 

It was after I gave birth to our third child, Zoe, in January 2023. I was coming out of the hardest pregnancy journey and was thankful to feel alive again on every level. We had a beautiful home birth but it was followed by life-threatening complications that landed us in the hospital for two nights. The first few days back home were filled with some holy moments. There was a thick presence of God as Leighton and I cried it out together over the traumatic experience we had just had. God was speaking healing words and perspective that I needed to hear as I processed my pregnancy and birth. I felt so much joy and awe over this new little life together with my family and we were enjoying every moment.

Then it seemed to come out of nowhere. Everything started to feel distant, like I couldn’t grasp reality or feel connected to what was real, including God and His presence. It felt like I was in a bubble and everything else was on the other side. It was a scary feeling, like I was going insane and losing my mind. I knew this wasn’t me. I knew it was more than hormonal changes in my body. It would get worse in the evening and the tampering with my state of being was so displacing, it made me feel like I was going into a panic attack at times. I wouldn’t have thought a battle of the mind would be the scariest thing I’ve ever gone through, I’ve had many intense ones before, but this was very different. It felt like my mind was being taken over. There was a tormenting spirit attached to it all that was so overwhelming, so persistent. I felt as if I was always on the edge of this cliff and the devil wanted me to fall into a void of nothingness and meaninglessness. It felt like he was inside my head trying to affect my reality. Even the thought of eternity was suddenly full of panic and fear.

I started wondering what Jesus’ 40 days in the wilderness were actually like when the devil came to him with mind games. We only get a small glimpse. If the angels came and ministered to him at the end of the 40 days, was there a demonic presence Jesus might have felt with the mind games, or an absence of God’s presence like I was? I don’t know, but Scripture really was coming alive for me in a new way now as I went deep into the verses He was giving me.

” Everything started to feel distant, like I couldn’t grasp reality or feel connected to what was real, including God and His presence. “

I had my nose in Scripture pretty much all day, I had to. It didn’t look like just reading and reading but slowly journaling and meditating on the promises that I felt life on to take hold of at that time. As a friend says, I was choosing to set God’s truths as doorman at the gate of my mind, not allowing anything contradictory to get through. Over and over, as waves of this demonic presence would come and try to close in on me, I refused to receive the lies that came from what I was feeling and experiencing. There were plenty of times I asked God for faith to keep standing and not get sucked into this powerful pull of illusion. I was understanding in a new way what it looks like to walk by faith and not by sight. I also refused to receive any condition or disorder that the enemy wanted me to agree with. I did not deny what I was feeling and experiencing, or the fight I was fighting, but I refused to come into agreement with anything contrary to what is mine in Christ. Here’s some of the thoughts and lies I remember rejecting constantly:

The lie that I was going insane or losing my mind.

The lie that things were going to get worse or something else bad was around the corner (foreboding spirit).

The lie that I would have to fight this mental state for the rest of my life and that it wouldn’t fully go away.

The lie that I was to fear this, to fear death.

The lie to dread the evenings and the nights, that they would always be hardest.

The lie to fear fear more than trusting in and fearing God. 

The lie that people would think less of me, that I’m less spiritual, less of a leader, less strong if I let them in.

The lie that each day I was still fighting this was becoming to much for people, I was to much for people.

Here’s just some of the promises and words of God I was feasting on:

I’m not going to leave you here, Lindsey.

I bless my evenings and nights to be full of the strongest awareness of the presence of God and encounters with Him! For ministering angels carrying out the assignments of the Lord towards me. 

Nothing can separate me from the Love of God (which casts out fear), from His presence. He is with me always and will never leave or forsake me  (Romans 8:37, Psalm 139, Deu 31:8, Mat 28:20).

I submit to God (to His authority) and resist the devil, and he must flee (James 4:7).

I have not been given a spirit of fear and timidity but a spirit of love, power and a sound mind (2 Tim 1:7).

The peace of God that surpasses understanding guards my heart and mind in Christ Jesus (Phil 4:6-7).

God exalted Him far above all rule, authority, dominion, giving Him the name that is above every name… (Phil 2:9).

No temptation (adversity, trial) has overtaken me…God is faithful (trustworthy), He will not let me be tempted beyond your ability to resist but will always provide a way out so that I will be able to endure it (without yielding, and will overcome with joy) (1 Cor 10:13).

“I give you power and authority over all devils and in my name you shall cast out devils” (Luke 9:1, 10:19).

I had to lay down my pride to really let others in consistently, to let others be a strength to me and fight with me and for me. I was eventually reaching out to people that I knew would cover me and help me get insight from the Lord. They helped me process and hear from the Holy Spirit. I felt a significant level of freedom after these times, like the dark presence was lifting. Sometimes as we were worshiping at home I would see key memories throughout my life of God’s faithfulness, and how real His presence and relationship had always been to me. Some days I would go sit outside, close my eyes and recount significant moments out loud of His fellowship, His love, His power, His presence since I was young up till now. It was a powerful thing to remember and focus on His faithfulness and my testimonies. It sounds strange now to me that I would even have to do this, but that’s how strong the presence of this oppression was and the lie of His absence and existence.

God kept bringing me back to the authority of Christ, even through the insight of others. A friend of mine had a vision of the Father on a playground with me where I was being bullied. He was lovingly saying to me that it was time to stand up to the bully. Jesus resisted the devil’s mind games with truth, and He also rebuked Satan directly saying “get behind me Satan.” Christ tells us to resist the devil and cast out devils ourselves, in His authority. It was essential for me to understand and wield this authority of mine in Christ.

This seemed to be the final stone. The giant came crashing down.

After that, I did need to stand in freedom. The devil would say, “Are you really free?” “Is it really gone?” Sounds like his same tactic in the garden, “Did God really say that?” “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery” (Galations 5:1). I’m thankful to say I’m back to experiencing a sound mind and free from this oppression.

” I don’t deny my experience. I don’t ignore my feelings. But I exalt nothing above the name of Jesus. “

I think the response often needed that is most overlooked these days is when we need to stand up to the bully. I think way too many people are stuck in what the world calls mental illnesses, when it is actually demonic oppression. The spiritual battle is not being fought with spiritual weapons. Not all mental battles are a result of demonic oppression, but we can’t be ignorant of this when it is! We must step into the authority He has given us to both discern and cast out devils. I don’t deny my experience. I don’t ignore my feelings. But I exalt nothing above the name of Jesus. I will fear nothing but His name. As a child of God I inherit His precious promises by the blood of the Lamb. These promises are an unbeatable shield and sword. I hope this inspires you in the relational leading of the Lord into all that He’s paid for. There is not a formula to follow. The victory is not in what we do but in Christ. Every victory is because of Christ’s authority.

If you need freedom in your mind right now, you are not alone in what you’re experiencing. Surround yourself with people who know God doesn’t want to leave you there. I also highly recommend betheltransformationcenter.com sessions and nothinghidden.com workshops and courses. Even if you’re not experiencing anything like this, these are amazing resources to keep growing and learning to become a habitation of the Holy Spirit.

x Lindsey